Welcome to America 2008. The land of free speech…er, as long as it’s politically correct. By politically correct, I mean, everything you say on the airwaves must be so neutralized that it can’t offend anyone. This is the land of people taking offense over everything – even when they, as listeners – make the conscious decision to listen to the personalities that are known for such offensive material.

Don’t get me wrong. America is definitely better than just about everywhere in the world, BUT, that doesn’t mean that it’s not over-the-top ridiculous right now in some areas, and showing no sign of lightening up.

It’s great that we have the opportunity to listen to idiots like Howard Stern for that vulgar, no-holds-barred, sex-induced radio. Maybe you’re a racist, judgmental right-winger and Rush Limbaugh is your cup ‘o tea. Whatever you like, enjoy it – because at any moment, one off-color joke, one cynically comedic moment, one statement made for little more than shock entertainment value may take that personality that you’re so connected to on your commute away from you. I’m sure the ten people who listen to Imus know what I mean.

After two-plus years in Pittsburgh, I’ve grown quite fond of the now-defunct Mark Madden show on 1250 ESPN radio. Madden was a hilariously opinionated sports talk show host. Everything that came out of his mouth had that matter-of-fact feeling to it. I didn’t always agree with him, but I thought he was hilarious. He was brutally honest and didn’t like to drink whatever the local homers drank. If the Steelers, Pens, or Buccos were playing like arse, Madden was objective about it. Of course, the homers didn’t like that.

Madden belittled the moronic callers and patronized the semi-knowledgeable ones. He referred to himself as “The Super Genius”, and wasn’t ashamed to wear his ego on his sleeve. The guy was an obnoxious a-hole for the most part – but that’s why I listened to him. On top of that, he was generally on-point with his sports knowledge. Oh, and he also stuck up for soccer, which is a rarity in this town. I’ll let it slide that he was a Liverpool supporter, but at least he was a true supporter.

So there you have it. Here’s a guy who has cemented his radio personality, has a large fan base, knows what he’s talking about (for the most part), and uses his rude, egotistical demeanor to entertain. Heck, if you’ve ever had to commute in Pittsburgh, entertainment is highly necessary to keep you from going all Bill Foster (Falling Down) on the world.

Of course, like the Tex Mex Tower at TGI Friday’s, all good things must come to an end. I happened to miss the show when Madden, upon hearing about Ted Kennedy’s brain tumor, said, “I’m very disappointed to hear Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts is near death because of a brain tumor. I always hoped Senator Kennedy would live long enough to be assassinated. And I wonder if he will receive a get well card from the Kopechne family”.

Yeah, what he said might’ve crossed some lines, but to be fired for that really annoys me. It doesn’t annoy me because I think what he said isn’t wrong (although frankly, I could care less as I don’t know how it truly offends me), but because what ESPN is going to do is replace him with someone who’s too conservative. I’m not talking politics here. I’m talking boring. Who’s going to make me laugh when they’re literally just talking sports?

I don’t listen to Mike & Mike for their take on sports only. I like the banter. I like the on-the-fly reactions, the mistakes, the jokes. With Madden, I like his brash sense of humor. I like feeling bad for Jim Colony as Madden constantly belittles him. I liked Mark telling an idiot caller that, well, the guy’s an idiot. And, I also like when he crosses the line, any line, because those lines are what add spice into a normally redundant world of sports journalism.

A lot of people here don’t like him, but that’s why they have the choice to ignore his show on the poor-reception AM band. I’m beyond tired of entities like ESPN telling me what is right and wrong, what I can or can’t listen to or watch. ESPN is essentially bowing to the 10 people who actually were offended. ESPN loves to think it’s so important that their reputation actually matters. You know what, you corporate sport destroyers? You ruin your reputation every time you cover nonsense that truly doesn’t relate to sport. You ruin your reputation every time you have some moron analyst cover a game they’ve never even played. You ruin your reputation by spending too much time covering the same things that are going to hurt our sporting landscape for the next decade. Mark Madden is the least of your worries, but thanks for recognizing that. Now that you’ve kicked him to the curb, you’re finally that amazing franchise of clean-cut, greasy-hair sporting, over-priced suit wearing shills, who spit out statistics and make predictions that are hardly ever right. You’re finally the stand-up guy in the sports entertainment market.

Yesterday was the most lame drive home ever thanks to ESPN’s swift judgment. I can’t possibly be the only person in Madden’s audience who actually let out an uncomfortable chuckle when they heard what Madden said, and thought, “wow, I’m sure glad I live in America, and people have the right to say something that ridiculous”. I guess I’m wrong.

On Friday evening, a few of my friends and I decided to hit up a neat little (huge, actually) coffee shop in Lawrenceville called Your Inner Vagabond for a free viewing of comedian, Doug Benson’s, parody of Morgan Spurlock’s Super Size Me, called Super High Me.

The movie was hilarious for the most part, with the premise being that Doug was going to stop smoking pot for 30 days, then go all out on prescription marijuana for the next 30 days. In similar fashion to Spurlock’s film, Benson went to the doctor for check-ups, but he also took the SATs and even took psychic tests as measurements. Not surprisingly for a pro-weed film, his SAT scores and the psychic test improved a bit. His health also didn’t take much of a hit.

While the film doesn’t prove or disprove a single thing, the movie is pure comedy. While, at times, you get the feeling that Super High Me is just another approach to the classic stand-up comedy special, it never takes the movie over and ruins it. In fact, the only time that I felt that the movie began losing steam was when it started getting too serious somewhere in the final third of the movie.

I had no real complaints, though. If you’re able to find weed humor entertaining, then you’ll enjoy the movie. I know Mr. Silvers will enjoy it thoroughly. Check it out. Doug Benson is really funny and quick-witted…even when he’s stoned out of his mind.

The only problem some people may find is that after the movie they’ll want to get high – similar to when I watched Super Size Me and immediately went to McDonald’s afterwards. The coffee shop cleared out immediately. I’m not kidding. Our group was sitting there drinking green tea…alone, minutes after the film ended.

Of course, being in Lawrenceville and next to Arsenal, I had to go bowling (223, 162, 188, 223).

Today, in the wake of yesterday uneventful news on Spygate, Mike Tirico and Scott Van Pelt asked Ladainian Tomlinson if he thinks the whole Spygate thing needs to go away, or if he’d like to see more come from it. Like any sane person, LT said that he just wants it to end because he thinks that it’s going to be bad for the league if it doesn’t. My personal opinion happens to agree with him 100%.

It was time to move on from the whole affair early last season, and Arlen “I obviously have too much time on my hands” Specter needs to worry about more pressing issues that actually relate to his job. Corruption and manipulation of the rules are going on in just about every large corporation out there (Enron, anyone?), and the cause/effect of some of those scenarios far outweighs the impact of how the NFL, as a multi-billion dollar corporation, is run. Here we go again. Let’s print another couple of million dollars to hire your independent team to investigate Spygate. Tell Bush to stop printing those relief checks.

It’s a shame that we, as taxpayers, are paying Mr. Specter to focus his efforts into making sure the NFL’s procedures are legit, which is simply an entertainment medium. Let the NFL run itself poorly, sir. You get back to running your state and country. I’m more worried about how bad the roads are for my trips to games, and how much it’s going to cost for me to drive to the games this coming year, than I am about what the Patriots did in the past. After all, the Patriots are just a football team, and they’re here to entertain me just like American Gladiators or the WWE…if that’s your thing (it’s not mine, by the way).

Steroids in the past, technology today. The competitive edge has to come from somewhere, and we’re never going to see the end of such efforts to get ahead. The Patriots aren’t going to be filming any time soon, but another team will beat the system for a while in their own way. I’d be willing to bet that most teams that have had some semblance of a dynasty have something other than pure talent lurking in the shadows. As the rules have changed, so have the methods in which the teams and players have broken them. Just sit back and enjoy the game. I loved watching McGuire chase the HR record. I loved watching the Pats win (even as an anti-Pats fan) in the dying seconds of a Super Bowl. That’s why we watch. I want to be entertained and patronized. I don’t care if it’s fake, as long it’s transparent to me. If my apathy offends you, oh well.

The only thing this hoopla is achieving – whether it’s highlighting steroids in baseball, or the videotaping of the Pats – is ruining the “ignorance is bliss” fantasy that us fans have enjoyed for decades in our beloved sports. We’re watching heroes fall left and right because the media has too much time on their hands, and small-time hacks like Matt Walsh desire their 15 minutes of fame. Maybe ESPN should go back to one channel, so they only have to fill up enough time to cover the sports, and not the other junk we get pelted with. Can we please just get back to enjoying the game? I’m tired of people trying to dig up information on past events. If you didn’t catch them then, leave it at that. You can’t change the past, and the more asterisks that are placed next to our devastated heroes, the worse each respective sport looks.

If you’re going to go back to look at a team’s past infractions, please feel free to go back and review every single situation imaginable. If you’re going to ruin our sports, let’s do it the American way – unrelentingly balls out. Let’s go after the Steel Curtain and the alleged rampant steroid use by those teams of the 70’s. Let’s research every championship ever played for match-fixing. Let’s find out how many women Wilt really slept with. After all, we are all about the truth these days, right, Mr. Specter? Maybe we should find out which models and actresses have had plastic surgery and which haven’t. I mean, we wouldn’t want to be deceived while watching a movie, or skimming next year’s SI Swimsuit Issue. Is Jessica Biel really that hot, or is that all plastic surgery and makeup?

I’m sorry, Arlen, but we can’t even get a straight story from our own President, and you’re making us focus on the lies from an entertainment venture? Once our sports are beaten to death by the government’s involvement, and people turn their backs on the mass distraction called sports, they may very well turn their attention to you and your political cohorts. I’m sure you’ve never broken any rules, have you?

You, Senator, are an ass.

On Sunday I went down to Ram’s Head Live in Baltimore to see Mike Ness and to pick up my new wheels for the .:R. We got to the inner harbor around 5 or so, and since it was raining hard, just rolled straight over to Ram’s Head.

The show was good, but there were definitely some hiccups. First, the opening band didn’t show up. Some girl who called herself “Sugar Tits” took the stage and told the crowd that the opening act was laying in a ditch somewhere wasted, and that she was going to play instead. She played mostly – or possibly nothing but – covers, but she wasn’t bad. She started with “Ring of Fire”, and I remember hearing “Crazy Train” at some point as well. Frankly I didn’t care that much because the Pens game happened to be on one of the bar televisions, so I was able to watch that while enjoying the show, which was hiccup number two.

As much as I love live music performances, I love sports, too. Playoff hockey is about as intense as sports can get, and to miss the game was something that I had struggled with the whole ride down. I forgot to DV-R the game which only increased my need to watch it. Fortunately, Ram’s Head is set up in such a way that you can sit at the bar, watch the game, and also have a really good view of the stage. Mike Ness didn’t want anything on the televisions, but a decent tip, and the requests of numerous patrons to put the game on earned us one television devoted to the game. Fans:1, Ness:0!

The crowd was good, but smaller than expected. In Pittsburgh, the same show would’ve sold out twice over, but Ram’s Head only sold about half of the allotted tickets, so it felt like watching any old band on any old night at the local popular bar…only the band was really tight. Mike Ness took forever to come out and only played for about an hour-and-a-half (I think he came out around 9:15, and played until 10:45). The short time on stage is hiccup number 3 for me.

I was pretty excited to hear the majority of the songs that I like off of his solo albums, and the band sounded great. I actually thought that Mike’s voice sounded much better than when I saw Social Distortion last year, too, but the show was just way too short (same complaint I have with Social D shows, as well). His band is solid, and the fans were really cool. We actually met 4 people from Pittsburgh, 2 of which drove down specifically for the show, and 2 which now live in the area (all Pens fans, of course!), so it was fun to catch the show and the game with them.

Would I see Ness again? Absolutely. He puts on a good show, has a great performance, and I like the laid back tunes and atmosphere of his solo shows more than the Social D show I saw, but I don’t know if it was worth driving 4 hours to Baltimore in the rain, sitting in Ram’s head for over 3 hours waiting for him to come on, and with a half-assed opening act paving the way for the rest of the evening.

It’s a good show. Seriously, don’t get me wrong, but without the Pens game, the good fortune of landing new wheels in Alexandria during the trip, and a decent screen printed poster, I might’ve not been as satisfied with the show. It’s just hard to justify such a long trip for an hour-and-a-half, no matter how good the show, you know?

On the other hand, the trip did give me an opportunity to stop by my dad’s house and visit him for a while, and I stopped in Johnstown to meet up with Hoover for some beers and grub at Big Dogz Grill on the way back. I’m not a big fan of all of that traveling, but I was able to make the brief trip worth it.

I went to game one of the Eastern Conference finals last night between the Pens and Flyers, and all I can say is, wow! Actually, I guess I can say a little more.

First, just before the national anthem, two guys came up and asked if we’d switch seats with them because their two friends were going to be in the seats next to us. We were in C6…their tickets were in B6. How can you turn down an upgrade in sections? Exactly. We moved.

The Pens completely dominated the Flyers in every area accept one – the defense was nowhere to be found when the Flyers were in front of the net, which resulted in Philly’s second goal. It’s nice to know, though, that the Flyers can’t compete with the Pens in the open ice, nor can they win by playing physically conservative…or without their best defenseman.

A team like the Flyers, known for it’s bullying approach to the game, didn’t hit like you would expect. It was pretty obvious that they were holding back, and I can understand why; If you end up in the box, and put the Pens on a power play, they will probably make you pay (see Pens/Rangers series)…and the Flyers were not about to gift the game to the Pens. Of course, when you’re outplayed, out-hustled, and lacking comparable talent and depth, it’s not going to matter – powerplay or not.

The Pens won 4-2, but the Flyers didn’t have a chance after their second goal. Fleury outshined Biron, Crosby outplayed Hatcher, and Malkin owned the entire Flyers team. Add in the solid play of the defense and their ability to make people in the bathroom after the game continually ask, “have you seen Briere? Is he in here?”, you’ve got an almost perfect recipe for success.

If the Pens play like they did last night, and control the front of their own net, the Flyers won’t have a chance in this series, and definitely not on Sunday in Mellon with the intensity in the stands.

As an aside, I can’t stand people who don’t wear white to the Pens game when there is a much-publicized “whiteout”. On the radio, the television, the internet, everywhere in Pittsburgh, it was being advertised. “Wear white”. “Wear white”. I’m not sure if it’s the need for people to “prove” that their a “true fan” because they spent money on a jersey, or a black t-shirt with “Hossa”, etc. on the back, but it’s really annoying. I own a few jerseys, but to me, the real fans are the ones that actually listen to the players’ request to wear white. This is the second time that the Pens have called for a whiteout and it’s the second time that the majority of the people decided they just couldn’t wear a white t-shirt. Ugh. Even the two guys in the next section wore white Elvis costumes (an ode to Mike Lang’s announcement after a Pens victory, “and Elvis has just left the building”).

The only exception that I thought was fine was the guy dressed in a full penguin costume. That was funny.

(pics coming soon…)

My landlord sent me a link to the following article a while back, and after coming across it again, I figured I’d share. It’s a pretty good piece on the migration of people back to the city from their comfortable suburban lifestyle, and the effect it could have on what’s left behind.

I remember reading a while back about how people were starting to move closer to the city to cut down commute times and the costs associated with ever-increasing gas prices, but this article focused on the sub-prime mortgage crisis pushing people out of their suburban developments, and what may happen to their homes in the aftermath of the ex-homeowner exodus back to urban centers.

It’s amazing to think about suburban America becoming the new slums. As the article points out, cities used to be a great place to live before the affluent moved out to the suburbs and left behind empty homes that could withstand the subdivisions that eventually led to the overpopulation, affordable rent that attracted the poor, and a shift in societal behaviors in the city centers.

If people have to leave abandoned homes behind, could it really get that bad? I’m not sure, but it’s an interesting scenario.

First, you have to deal with people who are scared of tunnels, and think that they have the right of way if they’re turning left at an intersection.

Then you have to deal with driving in an overcrowded infrastructure that also has to support a multitude of bus lines that are underused. Add to this the numerous tractor trailers that crowd single lane roads like Carson Street on a consistent basis, and you’ve got frustration similar to that of a person drafted by the Pirates.

BUT, the real issue I have with driving in Pittsburgh is the road conditions – and now it’s personal. I don’t know how, or when it occurred, but one of the wheels on my car has become the victim of Pittsburgh’s pathetic excuse for asphalt. I’ve been losing air little by little in my front right tire, and when I went to get it looked at, they told me that the wheel had a small crack in it that was causing the leak. How cool is that? I’ve driven my car safely, and I’ve done my best to avoid any major bumps (my car has 18″ wheels, after all, so you have to be more aware), but somewhere along the line, I must’ve met the unavoidable.

This is no exaggeration. In a two week span, I watched the imbeciles that get paid to fix the roads in Pittsburgh attempt to patch up the intersection at the bottom of my hill…twice. Guess what…it’s still awful. You practically have to maneuver around the potholes like a guy taking a Jeep up a rugged mountain. And this is after they’ve fixed it twice? It’s pathetic. If I head another couple of blocks down the road, another intersection has the same issue.

I can’t stand it, and now that I’m traveling by the rubber of my bike or my shoes while I search for a wheel replacement, the disappointment is only getting worse.

If anyone comes across a set of 18″ OZ Aristos for a 2004 VW R32, let me know…

UPDATE: You’ve gotta love the VW community on VWVortex. VW told me that a new wheel was going to cost me $520 for one wheel. I’m getting a whole set of 4 wheels for less than that from a guy on the ‘tex. While they are used, and aren’t pristine by any stretch of the imagination, I’m hoping that I can just use this method for fixing up any curb rash, etc. on the new set. Plus, since the mighty .:R doesn’t come with a spare tire (yes, no spare tire, only a repair kit comes with the car), I’ll just throw some rubber on one of the extra rims and carry that around with me – saving me the $400+ that the Audi TT spare would’ve cost me. Not bad.