I understand that not everyone can be a model (nor should they necessarily aspire to be), but regardless of build, everyone has the choice to dress in a way that flatters his or her body. This may very well become a theme on my blog…

Anyway…leaving the house in an open-back shirt that exposes not only your bra, but your fabulous back rolls is neither flattering for you or attractive to…well…anyone. Frankly, that outfit on a “thin” person would still be awful.

Making stuff like this easier to come by…

With Pearl Jam’s announcement of their concert poster pre-sale to all 10 Club fan members who’ve already purchased fan club tickets, my enjoyment of their shows has already improved before hearing a single song. The following text from Mundis pretty much sums up my feelings…

“U know this poster pre-sale kinda takes out the whole ‘figure out when to get to the venue, get in line, wait forever, get inside, get somewhat nauseous, find a stand, get crushed, get ur balls off my ass, stop breathing on my head, you’re stepping on my foot, I smell body odor, does this dude beside me take showers, do I have enough cash, you just rubbed your boobs on my elbow, here take my place, get a wristband maybe, wait in line after the show, hey that fucker has two wristbands somehow, get your poster finally’ fun feeling out of it. Ya know?”

Yes…yes, I do know, Jason.

The following article really annoyed me, so I thought I’d direct a blog entry at Randy Levine…that he’d never know existed…

You’re so amazing. I mean, you get to go to work every day for one of the wealthiest sports organizations in the world…in one of the largest markets in the world. You have no salary cap to restrict your pathetic spending on your overrated, under-performing, Yankees. You’ve got that shiny new stadium that caters to your elite bandwagon fans, and you’ve won more championships than any team in baseball, but you sir, are an ass. Thank you for giving me just one more reason to dislike your franchise. First, there’s the Jeffrey Maier incident…now there’s you.

I find it amusing that a remark by MLS Commissioner, Don Garber, which discusses how a reeling economy can even leave seats empty as Yankees Stadium, would incite such a comeback as, “We draw more people in a year than his entire league does in a year. If he ever gets Major League Soccer into the same time zone as the Yankees, we might take him seriously.”

Oooooh. Listen to that fiery insult from a man with no monetary limits. You want to impress me, you prototypically egomaniacal stump of a human? Go work for New York’s MLS franchise, and see how tough you talk when you’re not gifted the easiest job in the world. When you got the gig, I’m sure the conversation was something like this:

“Here Randy…all you have to do is show up, make sure enough jerseys are made this year for the rabid fans to scoop up without caring about anything other than that trendy NY logo plastered all over it. You can use this giant vault of money to buy every star player in the league, but if you don’t get your man, make sure you drive the prices so high, that the small market teams don’t have a shot – we want to make sure the competition is limited. Try to sell some of these overpriced seats in our brand new state-of-the-art stadium, but that should be easy in the land of the pretentious. Oh…and did we mention that since baseball is America’s sport, you’re going to get to feed off of the tradition of the game’s history to make your life easy, so don’t sweat the little stuff. Mm’kay…thanks!”

You’re like the meathead jock – gifted with the good looks and physical tools to land any woman and win prom king – wasting his energy picking on the bookworm for making him look stupid in math class. Your feeble attempt at making the MLS look bad with comments like, “Hey Don, worry about Beckham, not the Yankees. Even he wants out of your league”, leaves you looking like a classless jerk.

The MLS doesn’t pretend to be in the same world as the EPL or Serie A. Beckham wanting to go play for Milan is like Hideki Matsui wanting to play for the Yankees. Every player wants to play in the best league for one of the most-storied teams in the game. Milan has been around since 1899…Yankees since 1913. The championships between the teams are insane, too, but I’m sure when both of those sports/teams were in their infancy, they didn’t draw anywhere near the same numbers as today, so get some perspective. The MLS started in 1996…come back in 86 years and then you’ve got a valid argument.

Hop out of your little New York bubble…walk away from the tainted American past time…and put down the checkbook for a few years. Hop over to Europe…visit a place like St. James Park, where a team facing relegation is still selling out every game. Where fans cheer and pay attention to what’s happening in the worst of times and the best of times. Take notes, and realize that while the MLS currently isn’t anything for your pompous attitude to pay attention to, the game of soccer surely is. Go to a game in Toronto or Seattle…and you’ll see what power the MLS and the game of soccer can have. Those teams are making noise, and their crowds are bringing real passion. The MLS – with their soccer-specific stadiums that will eventually seat between 18,000-30,000 spectators, 15 teams, and only 210 total regular season games – may never compare to the Yankee’s 81-game regular season, 52,325 seat stadium, but I’m sure Don Garber is never going to make a comment about the attendance at PBA competitions to make himself feel better about his league’s shortcomings.

Get over yourself. Oh, and I’d like to ask…how did it feel to watch the Rays go to the Series last year on the back of their tiny payroll? Maybe you should be joining the hundreds of thousands in the unemployment lines if you’re getting shown up like that…

This is why I refused to go to the game on Sunday:

Granted, I’m fully aware that these types of asshats exist in parking lots nationwide – from high school sports to the pros, but damn. There’s absolutely no way I’d take a punch to the face and not put that guy’s face onto a hot tailgating grill. I try to be Mr. Peace all the time, but that’s too much to deal with. I want to know what the lead-up to this was, as someone had enough foresight to grab a camera and hit record.

Hell, I snapped on a guy for simply cheering when McGahee looked like he died on the field. That’s classy, dude. I hope you’re never immobilized and put into an ambulance…I’d hate to chuckle like human life is just an asset, simply because a dude plays on a team that isn’t “my” team. I didn’t cheer when Ben was down a few weeks ago – and Ben’s a renowned douchebag.

Props to the Steelers fans for breaking it up, and to the Ravens fans who obviously have more class and composure than me. Or maybe they had just started drinking. The next game I go to Heinz Field, Mundis and the big black dude (Ravens fan!) who works at Soho are coming with me. Davis can come, too, but the rhino attack isn’t going to work as well now that he weighs less than a Primanti’s sandwich.

Please, karma, tell me that knob from the video walked into a wall at some point. Nothing too painful, but payback-ish.

Peace, people. Peace.

What defines a true fan? Is it the number of magnetic ribbons and other magnetic bumper “stickers” that you affix to your automobile? Is it having your car custom painted two-tone in your favorite team’s colors? Is it having a vanity plate that states your love affair with a team that could care less about anything but your money? Would affixing team logo mud flaps scream “I’M A TRUE FAN”? Maybe adding a trailer hitch cover with your team’s logo will prove it. Maybe it’s giant team logo on both side doors. Wait…would a tire cover showing your team’s dominance do it? Can you be considered a fan if you only have a team license plate holder?

What if you have all of that stuff on your car? A week or so ago, we were driving behind this fanatic going through Bloomfield, and thankfully we had a camera to take a quick shot of the complete lunacy in front of us while we were at a red light.

I wonder if this person’s house looks like this?

(Actually, that room was professionally laid out by a creative set director, so it looks pretty nice.)

Ask anyone, and they’ll tell you that I’m a pretty rabid fan of the Ravens, as well as some other teams, but I find the above photo of that Hummer over-the-top. Some people just don’t grasp the idea of “less is more”. That Hummer looks like it went through the Strip District and people slapped every poorly designed magnetic bumper sticker on it the way people slapped “kick me” signs on those hapless kids in high school. There’s no way someone would actually drive around with 10 – count ‘em TEN – magnetic bumper stickers randomly stuck onto the back of their car by choice, right?

If you’re going to attempt to show that you’re the big fan in Steeler country, I’m pretty sure the two-tone paint job and license plate holder would’ve said it well enough – especially being a Virginia resident. I’ll even let the vanity plate slide, but the rest is just pathetic. I’ve seen some crazy fan cars over the years for other teams that are equally pathetic, too, but this is too good of an example to pass up the opportunity of pointing out.

The magnetic stickers are so poorly designed and made that I’d be embarrassed to even put one near my car – and this guy has 10 of them…at least that I can make out from this lo-res image (I swear it seemed like more in-person). Buying every crappy piece of discount-quality Steelers merchandise during your tourist vacation to the Strip District doesn’t make you a true fan. It makes you look like an idiot with poor judgment and screams of desperation to be accepted into a fan base that would’ve accepted you even if you wore a Kordell Stewart jersey from Goodwill. This is probably the same person who took that homemade Terrible Towel to the Steelers/Titans game a few week back that ended up getting stomped on by LenDale White after the Titans iced the game. Buy the quality stuff if you’re going to flaunt it. Buy the legit Terrible Towel – a whopping $7, you cheap monkey – if you’re going to swing a yellow towel at a game (the proceeds go to a great cause).

If you have to put stickers on your car, at least put nicely designed ones on there, and please don’t just apply them in a way that looks like you just vomited stickers into every spare spot you could find. It’s okay to see the actual paint on your car – especially on your high-priced, pretentious gas guzzler. I would think someone dropping that type of money on their car could afford some officially licensed stuff that’s professionally designed and manufactured instead of the cheap garbage slapped on there now.

Of course, what I think and what others think isn’t always the same…obviously.

It’s been a while since I saw a commercial so hilarious that it actually caused audible laughter from me. Luckily, the Snuggie commercials are here to help introduce a little chuckle in our sometimes difficult times.

Have you seen this ridiculous thing on TV yet? It was curiously funny when they showed people wearing it around their house, but when they show the people in Snuggies around a fire and cheering at an athletic event, I lost it. Wow, is it bad…

Get yours today!

Okay. I received this team photo of the 2008 Steelers the other night when I was at the tour, and the designer in me immediately screamed, “what the hell?”.

I felt embarrassed for the Steelers. I’ve received Ravens team photos in past years, and I even picked up the Browns team photo this year at the Ravens/Browns game in Cleveland. Both are of impeccable quality compared to the Steelers photo. It’s not like the actual photography is bad or anything. I’m even okay with the idea that the Steelers organization thought that it would be a great idea to shoot the team in one location and Photoshop them onto an old Heinz Field photo background. I mean, maybe the weather was bad or something and there was no time to reschedule. Whatever. What I’m not okay with is the execution of the whole thing.

Now, you’ll probably have to roll over to the Flickr page where I have the scanned image hosted to see the details, but think about this stuff as you chuckle.

1. Lighting. If you’re going to superimpose the team into a location different from your team photo shoot, please at least create common lighting by paying attention to shadows. Seriously. If you look at the background, the light is coming from the southwest and the sun is still high (see how the shadows are cast on the scoreboard from the Heinz Field sign). The lighting on the team is straight-up indoor shooting with the lighting coming from both sides, probably slightly above head level, as evidenced by the shadows cast off of the players onto the coaches’ white polo shirts.
2. Shadows. Whoever photoshopped the team onto the background obviously has no idea about light and the shadows cast from different lighting. He or she has no idea about how distance affects the way a shadow is cast. In fact, I’m not even sure if that person knows how to apply a drop shadow in Photoshop. It looks like the shadow was created with the brush tool and someone with a twitch. Regardless, it was applied with no effort. The soft shadowing that surrounds the players on the bottom make them look like they’re floating. Note to designer: these guys would be sitting on the ground. That means the shadows should be shorter in distance and hard because of the object that is casting the shadows has a close proximity to the surface. Plus, I understand that the photographer gave you conflicting lighting to work with, but at least go with the shadows that the sun would create. That means that the guys standing in the back row shouldn’t have any shadows at all. Or are they so team-oriented that they are constantly surrounded by a noticeable aura of black? Maybe I should be asking Andy Lizanich as he’s the one with the most noticeable glow. Also, the shadows are way too soft, and don’t have nearly the level of variance that should be there. Floating people…so frustrating.
3. Outlining. This might be the only thing our little Photoshop “expert” might be capable of. Congratulations. We always need outliners here at my job to trace t-shirts and camis. Now stop embarrassing yourself and get a less high-profile gig.
4. Creating cohesion between the background and the faked foreground. This is where the real observation and detail shouldn’t be ignored…if you’re a good designer…because this is where some of the magic happens. If the players are sitting on grass, would the lines where the players’ asses meet the ground be a perfect curve? No, you moron. The grass would create a textured meeting point. Copy some grass, scale it and put it over their gold asses, shoes, etc. Apply to the floating footballs as well. Also, if you want two Steelers helmets in front of the team, please don’t just clone one and leave it at that. Please change some of the details, so it doesn’t look exactly the same. The only thing that looks convincing on the picture is the damn helmet in the grass. I guess that’s why the designer just copied it. I think that was actually shot on the grass.

Although, maybe I’m being too hard on this person. It’s not his fault that he was given a task way out of his league. It might not be his fault that the art director was a moron and hired a skill-less putz with no observation or technical skills. It’s also probably not his fault for deciding to ignore the lighting and match it to the background. I could see if this was some small-time company with no budget for marketing, but this is a NFL team. No matter how small of a market your team is in, you should be able to get better workers than this. It’s an embarrassment that an organization with as much of a successful history on the field can’t pull it together to get the damn team photo right. I know most don’t care and won’t notice, but for me, this is ridiculous. Note to all employers: Stop hiring awful designers. All they do is surround us with awful design…and people are accepting the crap as the norm. Stop it. Seriously. Stop. Help make the world at least look better.

I went to the Pirates game on Friday and Saturday night – Friday for bobblehead night, and Saturday on a whim. While the Pirates lost both games to the Padres, it’s always nice to get out and catch a game.

Unfortunately, Friday night’s game left a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. Not for the Pirates as a team, but for ticket ushers and the PNC Park policy towards tickets. I’ve come to accept the craptastic qualities of the Pirates, but PNC Park deserves better guest relations for such a beautiful ballpark.

We have a group of 8 who purchased tickets for the bobblehead package – tickets to all 9 bobblehead giveaway nights – in the upper deck. On Friday, around the top of the 6th inning, Meadows and I decided to take a walk down to Manny’s BBQ on the walk behind center field. We took the escalators down, ate some awesome pulled pork sandwiches, and proceeded to head back to our seats where Nathaniel was waiting with our bobbleheads. When we arrived at the escalators, we realized that both sides were now going down (this must happen at the bottom of the 7th inning every game), so we saw a PNC Park employee and asked if it would be okay just to wait it out in the seats closest to the escalator as our friend was up there with our stuff and we didn’t want to miss the end of the game walking up the rotunda. That guy said it would be fine, so we proceed to sit in the last row of section 133, which is the section along the 3rd base line, lower level, closest to the foul pole (aka, not the most enviable seats).

Before we even get into the row, this old usher comes up to us, and asks for our tickets. We begin to tell him why we wanted to sit there and we’re greeted with a quick, “if you don’t have tickets here, you can’t sit here”. I ask why? What does it matter, it’s the 8th inning? He just continues to give us attitude and kick us out of his completely empty (no exaggeration) section. He tells us to take it up with guest relations, so we do. Guest relations tries to be understanding and offers us tickets in the lower level so we don’t have to go back up via the rotunda. We thank them and take the tickets, but still end up standing by the escalator waiting for Nathaniel anyway. As we’re watching the final innings from our spot behind section 133 (where you can stand, but not sit), we watch as the old usher systematically kicks anyone out who tries to sit in his section…even people who had better tickets and just sat there on their way out of the stadium.

Now, guest relations was correct in telling us that the usher was doing his job, and that stadium policy states that you can only sit in the seat that you have a ticket for. That’s understandable, but under the circumstances, I think it’s ridiculous, and the usher’s inability to be a reasonable human being made me want to punch him in the face (not a reasonable solution).

Let’s think about this. PNC Park is almost always empty. We have one of the lowest, if not the lowest attendance averages in Major League Baseball. His section was completely empty – seriously, not a single person was sitting there. It was the bottom of the 8th inning with the Pirates down, and hardly threatening to extend the game – meaning we were only going to be sitting in those seats for an inning-and-a-half barring a miracle. We were sitting in his section solely because we had to wait for Nathaniel and it was the most convenient location next to the escalators, which were only going down. With an inning-and-a-half remaining, a walk up the rotunda might’ve been long enough for the game to end and us miss the whole thing aside from watching as we walked up…or we could’ve walked halfway around the stadium to find the elevators, but I don’t know where those are other than the other side of the stadium. Of course, if Nathaniel decides to leave early, we’re stuck on either the rotunda or walking to find elevators. Either way, we would’ve missed more of the game, and most likely had to immediately leave once we reached our seats, so why was the usher such a chump?

I could see if the Pirates were drawing Yankees, or Cubs-sized crowds every game, and seats were at a premium. I could see if his section was full of people and he knew that the seats we were going to sit in were taken. I could see if it was the 1st, or heck, even the 5th inning, where we were going to be taking a real advantage of the seats. I could also understand if the escalators were working both ways. None of those scenarios were occurring, though. We didn’t have a real desire to sit in his section and just wanted to go back to our seats, but it wasn’t reasonable. It was convenient to meet up with Nathaniel to receive our bobbleheads, we didn’t want to miss the end of the game, and we were sitting in an empty section that an employee of the park said would be fine. Yet we’re greeted like we don’t matter.

The reality is that we, as ticket holders and purchasers, pay for his livelihood. PNC Park signs his checks, but the fans make those funds available, and yet this guy doesn’t look at the situation with an understanding mind. He didn’t care that another employee said it would be fine. He didn’t care that we couldn’t get back to our seats. He didn’t care that we’re always spending money, whether $5 or $35 to attend games on a regular basis. He doesn’t care if we drove from San Diego to see the Padres win. For PNC Park to be such sticklers about who sits where is ridiculous considering how few people actually decide to sit in the stadium at all. If no one is sitting in a seat, and it’s the end of the game, who cares?

Last year, in the last two quarters of the Colts/Ravens game and M&T Bank Stadium, when the rain and blowout score caused the majority of the crowd to leave, I walked down to the lower levels right behind the endzone. No one said a word despite me standing right next to the ushers and security guys. Why? Well, because it doesn’t matter to them. I’m just taking someone’s seat who left, maintaining the responsibility of the ushers and security – not increasing it – and I’m not sitting in a seat that’s taken. The whole ordeal was just ridiculous. If the escalators are only going down after the 7th, there’s absolutely no reason why fans shouldn’t be able to sit in the lower levels…especially at PNC Park.

Yesterday, our friends over at PETA hit out at the Baltimore Ravens for the organization’s plans to have a real raven fly out of the tunnel before the players are introduced at each home game starting this season. Here’s the letter sent to the Ravens VP of Marketing yesterday:

Dear Ms. Dow:

I am writing on behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters. Dedicated to the protection of animals, PETA was founded in Maryland and has tens of thousands of members and supporters in the state, including many in Baltimore. We have received numerous complaints from people who are gravely concerned and upset that the Baltimore Ravens are planning to feature live African white nape ravens (members of the Corvidae family) at upcoming games, including having the birds “fly out of a smoky tunnel.” After carefully considering the following information, we urge you to cancel plans to feature live birds at games immediately and implement a policy prohibiting the use of live animals at all Ravens games.

Anyone who has attended a sporting event can attest to the sheer intensity of these games. The energy is palpable, and it is part of what makes attending these events so enjoyable. But the bright lights, screaming fans, and loud noises–such as air horns, bands, and amplified sound systems–are terrifying for animals who can’t possibly understand what is going on. Regardless of how these birds are trained, they are likely to be severely distressed by the overwhelming confusion of the situation. Corvids are highly intelligent animals–one study found that that they have cognitive abilities on par with those of great apes. They form strong (and sometimes lifelong) partner bonds and possess a strong sense of community.

Public sentiment is rapidly moving away from the antiquated notion that animal displays are acceptable or fair to animals. Costumed humans are undeniably the most effective–and humane–entertainment for sports fans. The versatility of human performers allows them to entertain and interact directly with fans throughout the game.

Can I please hear from you regarding this important matter right away?

Sincerely,

Kristie Phelps
Assistant Director
Animals in Entertainment Campaign

Did anyone else laugh…at least a little? Am I out of line for thinking PETA should really find something better to do with their time? Seriously. PETA’s Director, Debby Leahy comes off sounding so petty and childish with her snide remarks like, “If the Ravens want to increase fan support, they don’t need cheap gimmicks. They just need to start winning games.” The last time I checked, I don’t think the Ravens were struggling for fan support. We’re not talking about Atlanta here. Plus, PETA isn’t above using “cheap gimmicks” themselves. Remember the nude women in cages? Of course you do…that gimmick worked…aside from the fact that I still don’t mind ordering a filet. Now, if I think with a PETA-sized mentality, I could go, “using nude women in cages exploits and demeans women.” PETA would say, “well, we’re humans, and we chose to put ourselves in a cage for the sake of animal cruelty”. I would say, “exactly…who are you to talk about cheap gimmicks, when you chose to sell animal rights initiatives by taking your clothes off in public. There are kids walking around who could see you.” If we’re all going to be sensitive about every little thing, let’s be fair. Let’s also consider that there’s just over 2 million members in PETA…approximately .8% of our population. It always amazes me how PETA even gets airtime for stupid issues like these, and how with such a small percentage of population, they think their issues are on-par with the rest of the country’s concerns. A little arrogant there, huh, PETA?

These people are so over-the-top it’s kind of sad. I especially love this other quote from Ms. Leahy, “Edgar Allan Poe would be spinning in his grave if he knew that his poem had prompted Baltimore to harm ravens in the name of marketing”. Really, Debby? You know the mentality of a guy who died 159 years ago? I would think that a guy who married his 13-year-old cousin who was half his age at the time isn’t necessarily worried about birds. In fact, being that he only made a whopping $9 off of “The Raven”, he’d probably be thrilled to see some financial success and legacy brought about from his poem. Way to attempt to speak for Mr. Poe, Debby. Bringing up Poe’s name to help dramatize the situation to your idiot followers is, in itself, a cheap gimmick…ma’am.

The reality is that these ravens were brought in as baby birds, and are being cared for way better than any wild bird. Just as we’ve adapted to PETA’s nonsense at times, these birds will adapt to their surroundings. Similar to caged animals in zoos, or dolphins performing in front of large crowds, these Ravens will be trained to deal with the stadium noise and surroundings. They’re going to live a pretty good life and are going to be able to avoid the struggles of nature – fighting for food, finding shelter, and sickness. It’s not like the Ravens are asking the birds to do something they’re not naturally capable of, like horse racing does. Just fly out of a tunnel, crap on the opposing team’s fans and players, and fly back to your trainer…10-12 times a years, max. Plus, with a billionaire owner, I’m sure these birds are going to have a more cushy life than most PETA members.

Is the Ravens organization using a shameless gimmick to market the team and game? Sure. Is having live birds flying out of the tunnel on game days necessary? Nope, but does it really matter? This isn’t an oil spill. This isn’t over-fishing. This isn’t dog fighting. This isn’t factory farming. No one is eating the animals, or mistreating them. I could even understand raising concerns about taking these particular ravens – native to Africa – out of their ecosystem, and the possibility of diseases being introduced to local bird species if they got away, but the things that Kristie Phelps brought up is total speculation. The Ravens have a professional caretaker dealing with these birds. If that guy is fine with it, I’m going to side with his professional opinion, not some PETA hacks with nothing better to do with their lives than worry about two, yes, TWO birds in the entire world.

The only thing that bugged me a little bit about the whole thing is that the organization is going to dye the white nape on the birds black to resemble ravens native to the U.S. If you’re going to argue against something, pick that, but let us enjoy seeing this spectacle, PETA-free, no matter how cheesy it is. I just think PETA trying to force any form of policy on these lines is absurd. Stick to real animal cruelty issues like cleaning up corporate factory farming, and stay out of the NFL.

Of course, if these people can speak for dead people, they’re probably equally adept at knowing exactly what animals think and feel.

Welcome to America 2008. The land of free speech…er, as long as it’s politically correct. By politically correct, I mean, everything you say on the airwaves must be so neutralized that it can’t offend anyone. This is the land of people taking offense over everything – even when they, as listeners – make the conscious decision to listen to the personalities that are known for such offensive material.

Don’t get me wrong. America is definitely better than just about everywhere in the world, BUT, that doesn’t mean that it’s not over-the-top ridiculous right now in some areas, and showing no sign of lightening up.

It’s great that we have the opportunity to listen to idiots like Howard Stern for that vulgar, no-holds-barred, sex-induced radio. Maybe you’re a racist, judgmental right-winger and Rush Limbaugh is your cup ‘o tea. Whatever you like, enjoy it – because at any moment, one off-color joke, one cynically comedic moment, one statement made for little more than shock entertainment value may take that personality that you’re so connected to on your commute away from you. I’m sure the ten people who listen to Imus know what I mean.

After two-plus years in Pittsburgh, I’ve grown quite fond of the now-defunct Mark Madden show on 1250 ESPN radio. Madden was a hilariously opinionated sports talk show host. Everything that came out of his mouth had that matter-of-fact feeling to it. I didn’t always agree with him, but I thought he was hilarious. He was brutally honest and didn’t like to drink whatever the local homers drank. If the Steelers, Pens, or Buccos were playing like arse, Madden was objective about it. Of course, the homers didn’t like that.

Madden belittled the moronic callers and patronized the semi-knowledgeable ones. He referred to himself as “The Super Genius”, and wasn’t ashamed to wear his ego on his sleeve. The guy was an obnoxious a-hole for the most part – but that’s why I listened to him. On top of that, he was generally on-point with his sports knowledge. Oh, and he also stuck up for soccer, which is a rarity in this town. I’ll let it slide that he was a Liverpool supporter, but at least he was a true supporter.

So there you have it. Here’s a guy who has cemented his radio personality, has a large fan base, knows what he’s talking about (for the most part), and uses his rude, egotistical demeanor to entertain. Heck, if you’ve ever had to commute in Pittsburgh, entertainment is highly necessary to keep you from going all Bill Foster (Falling Down) on the world.

Of course, like the Tex Mex Tower at TGI Friday’s, all good things must come to an end. I happened to miss the show when Madden, upon hearing about Ted Kennedy’s brain tumor, said, “I’m very disappointed to hear Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts is near death because of a brain tumor. I always hoped Senator Kennedy would live long enough to be assassinated. And I wonder if he will receive a get well card from the Kopechne family”.

Yeah, what he said might’ve crossed some lines, but to be fired for that really annoys me. It doesn’t annoy me because I think what he said isn’t wrong (although frankly, I could care less as I don’t know how it truly offends me), but because what ESPN is going to do is replace him with someone who’s too conservative. I’m not talking politics here. I’m talking boring. Who’s going to make me laugh when they’re literally just talking sports?

I don’t listen to Mike & Mike for their take on sports only. I like the banter. I like the on-the-fly reactions, the mistakes, the jokes. With Madden, I like his brash sense of humor. I like feeling bad for Jim Colony as Madden constantly belittles him. I liked Mark telling an idiot caller that, well, the guy’s an idiot. And, I also like when he crosses the line, any line, because those lines are what add spice into a normally redundant world of sports journalism.

A lot of people here don’t like him, but that’s why they have the choice to ignore his show on the poor-reception AM band. I’m beyond tired of entities like ESPN telling me what is right and wrong, what I can or can’t listen to or watch. ESPN is essentially bowing to the 10 people who actually were offended. ESPN loves to think it’s so important that their reputation actually matters. You know what, you corporate sport destroyers? You ruin your reputation every time you cover nonsense that truly doesn’t relate to sport. You ruin your reputation every time you have some moron analyst cover a game they’ve never even played. You ruin your reputation by spending too much time covering the same things that are going to hurt our sporting landscape for the next decade. Mark Madden is the least of your worries, but thanks for recognizing that. Now that you’ve kicked him to the curb, you’re finally that amazing franchise of clean-cut, greasy-hair sporting, over-priced suit wearing shills, who spit out statistics and make predictions that are hardly ever right. You’re finally the stand-up guy in the sports entertainment market.

Yesterday was the most lame drive home ever thanks to ESPN’s swift judgment. I can’t possibly be the only person in Madden’s audience who actually let out an uncomfortable chuckle when they heard what Madden said, and thought, “wow, I’m sure glad I live in America, and people have the right to say something that ridiculous”. I guess I’m wrong.